The other night I had a dream that I was holding a baby and singing R. Kelly’s timeless classic “I Believe I Can Fly.” That freaks me out a little bit, considering R. Kelly’s alleged (non-convicted) history with juveniles, but maybe what my subconscious is saying is that I want to someday have little babies so I can torture them with my own renditions of songs that REALLY MEANT SOMETHING to me when I was in third grade. Like I just remember wailing this on my swing set and just thinking “Damn, I can do anything!”
Little did I know that I would grow up to be $70,000 in debt! But at least I have my own apartment and car. Maybe this is me flying?
Anyhow, I was thus reminded of this song and decided to watch the video. I vaguely remembered R. Kelly in a corn field, belting is out with arms outstretched to the heavens. It’s actually even far cheesier than that, if you can believe it (I believe I can!).
The video opens up with the aforementioned corn field, with a bird flying across the shot (duh – it’s a metaphor).
Then there’s this shadowy oboe player cameo. I can’t help but wonder about this individual. Just think how this girl put in thousands of practice hours on the oboe, which is perhaps the least cool of all school band instruments (except maybe French horn). I just imagine that this girl was really serious about learning her craft from a young age, and I can see her carrying her little oboe case home from school on the bus every day, practicing at home while her parents fight in the background. Even though the other kids made fun of her and people told her she’d never amount to anything, SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD FLY. And now look at her. She’s in an R. Kelly video and she didn’t even have to wear a bikini. Suck it, haters.
Then there’s a shot of a little kid in overalls throwing a dirty basketball into a muddy puddle next to an overturned rusty old bike. I don’t know what this means. Is this supposed to be Michael Jordan’s origin story? I’m not convinced.
Then there is literally a hawk or an eagle or whatever.
The rest of the video is pretty much this:
This is a collage of about half the times R. Kelly stretched his arms to demonstrate that he does, in fact, believe he can fly. They really hammer that message home. In fact, it’s pretty amazing how many of these shots are contained in this 3 minute music video.
Also, I refuse to believe that this man knows how to direct a choir, although it does present yet another opportunity for him to flap his arms around like a bird.
Well, that’s enough inspiration for you to start your week. I can almost hear you all singing I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYY (WOO!).